Monday 8th October 2012
The weekend was full of highs and lows and lots of tears. I got a phone call today from the doctors office telling me that i have an appointment at 10am tomorrow morning with Professor Birrell, she told me that he was a fantastic doctor. Lets hope for good news tomorrow.
In October 2012 at age 25 I was diagnosed with stage 3 Hodgkin's Lymphoma, this is my story about the fight for my life.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Saturday, October 6, 2012
A day like no other
5th October 2012
This was the worst day of my existence so far, a day like no other, a day that everyone felt sorry for me and didn't know what to say... The day i was diagnosed with cancer. At that 6 letter word my world that i knew would be changed forever.
It was 4 weeks earlier that i noticed lumps in my neck. I waited 2 weeks to see if they would disappear.. they didn't, so on September 25th i went and seen the duty doctor at a local clinic. I explained to him what was going and that i could also hear my heart beat in my left ear. He had a feel around my neck and said that he thought it could be an over active thyroid. I was told to make an appointment with a Radiology place and and also get a blood test. I walked out of there not feeling that positive. First of all i really had no idea about thyroids and what they did. It took me a few days to get the courage up to make the appointments. Thursday 27th September i knew that i could no longer put it off and had to do it. The Radiology place couldn't get me in until Friday 5th October, i took this day off work and so did Sam. I didn't need to make an appointment for the blood test so we headed down there at about 11am, i was freaking out because i had never had a blood test before and thought this was going to be the worst thing for the day (little did i know). It was over and done with in 30 seconds and didn't hurt that much. At 2:30 i arrived at the Radiology place, went and had my ultrasound and after the lady had taken some photos she said that she had to go ask the doctor if he wanted more photos, she came back and said i was free to go. I had to return in 1.5 hours to pick up my results. As i was sitting at home waiting they called me and told me i could pick up my results and had to see my doctor tonight. I walked inside and said to Sam that its going to be bad news and burst in to tears, we both had a cry together. I rang dad crying and he couldn't understand me, i eventually got it out that it was going to be bad news and explained to him about the ultrasound and what they said. He was telling me to be positive and not to stress until i had seen the doctor. About an hour later we headed back to pick up my results. I then called the doctors to make sure the doctor was still there and he said to come in straight away. It was then that he told me i had Lymphoma. He told me that i would have a biopsy on Monday or Tuesday and then have the lumps removed. It would then be 12 months or more of intense treatment including chemotherapy. He told me that i would have to have a fair bit of time off work and maybe even a month at a time. He explained a few other things and said that he would book me an appointment with the hospital and call me on monday. He had tried to get me into hospital that same night but they don't do procedures like that on weekends. Im actually glad that he didn't get me in, as i needed time to process this before it all starts. I cried a few tears in his office and he told me it was okay to cry.
As i was walking out the clinic this is when i burst into tears. I couldn't control it anymore. I nearly walked out in front of a car and Sam had to grab me. My mind was in a million places other then where i was and what i was doing at that moment. I got in the car and called Mum and Dad straight away. Dad answered and i was trying to tell him that i had cancer but was crying so much that he couldn't understand me. I took a deep breath and told him... i had cancer. He was shocked. Mum called him while i was on the phone and asked if he wanted her to pick something up for him and he said "no i want you to come home" she asked why, he replied "you need to come home now i have something to tell you". We where talking some more i explained that i had to have a biopsy and chemotherapy. While we were talking mum came home. Dad told her the news, i couldn't quite hear her reaction. I remember saying to dad that i wasn't sure how we where going to afford to pay for it all and that i was worried about loosing my hair. I then left them to talk and called my brother. I called Daniel and told him what i had and explained it over to him. He too was shocked. This was all while still sitting in the car at the doctors clinic. I hung up from Daniel and we drove home in silence.
We got home and went into separate rooms, i think we both needed some time to ourselves to process it as best we could. Sam started googling it to get a better understanding of what it was. I tried to watch TV and distract myself, it didn't help. I urged Sam to go see or call his mum, i knew she would be a rock for him. He eventually did. She explained that under the public health system we would have to pay for very little if anything of the treatment. This took a weight off our shoulders and gave us one less thing to stress about.
During the night there was lots of tears.
At 12am we decided to try and get some sleep. I fell asleep from 12:30am - 1:00am and then couldn't get back to sleep. I messaged mum and daniel to see if anyone was awake to talk. No one replied. I felt so alone, like there was no one else around but me. At 2:20am Daniel replied. It was great to be able to talk to someone, he gave me lots of reassuring words and advice and it felt comforting knowing there was someone thinking of me. Its now 3:30am and i've been sitting on the lounge writing this for the past hour. I felt like it would be good to get my thoughts out of my head.
This was the worst day of my existence so far, a day like no other, a day that everyone felt sorry for me and didn't know what to say... The day i was diagnosed with cancer. At that 6 letter word my world that i knew would be changed forever.
It was 4 weeks earlier that i noticed lumps in my neck. I waited 2 weeks to see if they would disappear.. they didn't, so on September 25th i went and seen the duty doctor at a local clinic. I explained to him what was going and that i could also hear my heart beat in my left ear. He had a feel around my neck and said that he thought it could be an over active thyroid. I was told to make an appointment with a Radiology place and and also get a blood test. I walked out of there not feeling that positive. First of all i really had no idea about thyroids and what they did. It took me a few days to get the courage up to make the appointments. Thursday 27th September i knew that i could no longer put it off and had to do it. The Radiology place couldn't get me in until Friday 5th October, i took this day off work and so did Sam. I didn't need to make an appointment for the blood test so we headed down there at about 11am, i was freaking out because i had never had a blood test before and thought this was going to be the worst thing for the day (little did i know). It was over and done with in 30 seconds and didn't hurt that much. At 2:30 i arrived at the Radiology place, went and had my ultrasound and after the lady had taken some photos she said that she had to go ask the doctor if he wanted more photos, she came back and said i was free to go. I had to return in 1.5 hours to pick up my results. As i was sitting at home waiting they called me and told me i could pick up my results and had to see my doctor tonight. I walked inside and said to Sam that its going to be bad news and burst in to tears, we both had a cry together. I rang dad crying and he couldn't understand me, i eventually got it out that it was going to be bad news and explained to him about the ultrasound and what they said. He was telling me to be positive and not to stress until i had seen the doctor. About an hour later we headed back to pick up my results. I then called the doctors to make sure the doctor was still there and he said to come in straight away. It was then that he told me i had Lymphoma. He told me that i would have a biopsy on Monday or Tuesday and then have the lumps removed. It would then be 12 months or more of intense treatment including chemotherapy. He told me that i would have to have a fair bit of time off work and maybe even a month at a time. He explained a few other things and said that he would book me an appointment with the hospital and call me on monday. He had tried to get me into hospital that same night but they don't do procedures like that on weekends. Im actually glad that he didn't get me in, as i needed time to process this before it all starts. I cried a few tears in his office and he told me it was okay to cry.
As i was walking out the clinic this is when i burst into tears. I couldn't control it anymore. I nearly walked out in front of a car and Sam had to grab me. My mind was in a million places other then where i was and what i was doing at that moment. I got in the car and called Mum and Dad straight away. Dad answered and i was trying to tell him that i had cancer but was crying so much that he couldn't understand me. I took a deep breath and told him... i had cancer. He was shocked. Mum called him while i was on the phone and asked if he wanted her to pick something up for him and he said "no i want you to come home" she asked why, he replied "you need to come home now i have something to tell you". We where talking some more i explained that i had to have a biopsy and chemotherapy. While we were talking mum came home. Dad told her the news, i couldn't quite hear her reaction. I remember saying to dad that i wasn't sure how we where going to afford to pay for it all and that i was worried about loosing my hair. I then left them to talk and called my brother. I called Daniel and told him what i had and explained it over to him. He too was shocked. This was all while still sitting in the car at the doctors clinic. I hung up from Daniel and we drove home in silence.
We got home and went into separate rooms, i think we both needed some time to ourselves to process it as best we could. Sam started googling it to get a better understanding of what it was. I tried to watch TV and distract myself, it didn't help. I urged Sam to go see or call his mum, i knew she would be a rock for him. He eventually did. She explained that under the public health system we would have to pay for very little if anything of the treatment. This took a weight off our shoulders and gave us one less thing to stress about.
During the night there was lots of tears.
At 12am we decided to try and get some sleep. I fell asleep from 12:30am - 1:00am and then couldn't get back to sleep. I messaged mum and daniel to see if anyone was awake to talk. No one replied. I felt so alone, like there was no one else around but me. At 2:20am Daniel replied. It was great to be able to talk to someone, he gave me lots of reassuring words and advice and it felt comforting knowing there was someone thinking of me. Its now 3:30am and i've been sitting on the lounge writing this for the past hour. I felt like it would be good to get my thoughts out of my head.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)