3 month CT scan

So the other day I had my 3 months post treatment scan (it's actually been nearly 4.5 months since my last one)! This will tell me if I am still in remission or not! I need everyone's positive vibes and prayers for great results. I had to go a radiology clinc as the hospital is no longer doing CT scans for out patients. So I rock up and they hand me this bottle of liquid to drink. I say I've never had this before and the nurse said it was how they do it there! I was thinking yippee,no contrast for me, it was wishful thinking as she said I would still need it! So I open the lid and have a sniff, doesn't smell too bad. I poor myself a cup and take a sip... It kind of tastes like flat lemonade. It's a 250ml bottle and I have to drink a cup full every 15 minutes until it was gone. As I was sitting there drinking mine, another girl sat down and got given the bottle, she too took the lid of and had a smell! 

I had nearly finished it when the nurse came back out to get me! I went to a little room and got changed into a hospital gown and then went into the scanning room, by this stage I was busting for the toilet so asked to go to the loo before the scan. Had to wait and ask as I wasn't sure if I was supposed to have a full bladder for the scan. I came back and laid feet first on the bed with my legs sitting over a triangle so they were slightly raised and bent. She put a cannula in my left arm and then attached the tube so she could put the contrast into me, she then aligned the machine so it was ready to go. I had to hold my left arm up straight and the right arm over my head for the first part of the scan and then put both arms down on my stomach for the second part. First part scans your abdomen to your neck and the second part scans neck and head. I get 2 lots of contrast that make you feel warm and like you have peed yourself! Once the scan was finished I got dressed and has to sit in a small waiting room for 10 minutes to make sure I wasn't going to have a reaction to the contrast, she then took out the cannula and I was free to go. 

They gave me the option of picking up my scans or having them sent straight to my Dr! As tempted as I was I knew the right decision was to get them sent to my Dr. If I had picked them up I would have opened them and either for bad or good news or not be able to understand them and stress myself out for 3 weeks! 

I was supposed to get my results back on the 21st but that clinic has been cancelled so now I have to wait until the 28th. 

I had a meeting with my General Manager on Friday to talk about returning to work. All sounds promising so now I am just waiting for them to give me a call to tell me what days and hours they have for me.  

Bye for now

Xxx

Life "after" cancer

While the world goes on around me like everything is normal, my life is anything but. The fear and anxiety that constantly eat away at me is exhausting. I know I'll be forever known as "that girl that had cancer" but surely there is more to me then that? Other reasons people can remember me for? Maybe, maybe not. Realistically I am just a mere human being in a world full of people, why should people remember me for any other reason. When people learn of my story and what I have been through their demeanor changes, they all of a sudden become softer spoken and almost apologetic. Don't treat me differently because I had cancer or tell me that you know what I went through because your Aunts Sisters Cousins Daughter had cancer, because honestly you have no idea how incredibly hard it is to fight something that's trying to kill you unless you have been through it too. You may have watched a love one go through this so you will have some idea, but there is a whole other side to it, the mental side, what it does to your thoughts is possibly harder to deal with then the actual treatment itself. All the thoughts of "I can't do this, I don't want to to do this, Why me?, How could this happen?, What did i do to deserve this?, I would rather die, I want to give up" They all go through your head at one stage or another through treatment.

I am coming up to my first scan post finishing up treatment and to be honest I am completely terrified. I have a 1001 thoughts running through my head. My mind keeps telling me I have symptoms and any "strange" feeling I have in my body makes me swear it's returned. Like I said it's exhausting, both mentally and physically. I have to wait 2 weeks for my scan results which is annoying. I need to be put out of my misery. 

I will be returning to work in the next couple of weeks too. I am unsure at this stage what hours I'll be doing and what store I'll be in, I have a meeting with the General Manager in 2 weeks. After being off work for 16 months it will be tough but good to get back into a somewhat "normal" life. 

I am not sure anyone reads this thing anymore but either way it's good to get it off my chest. Until next time xx