Feelings...

At age 25 I would have never have thought cancer would be a word I would speak nearly every single day. Until the day I was diagnosed I never knew Hodgkins Lymphoma existed. The last 8 months have been an emotional roller coster to say the least. I have my days where all I do is cry and ask the question "why me?", tell myself "I can't do this anymore", "I don't want to do this anymore" and "I want to give up"! Somedays I feel so alone and it's hard waking up every day wondering how you are going to feel or whether you are going to get a temperature and have to go back to hospital. Not only is my body physically drained from this, I am emotionally drained too. 

I know my life is only temporarily put on hold, but its hard seeing peoples lives going on around you. People going on holidays, out for dinner, to concerts, parties and just having fun. I am limited in what I can do or where I can go. Its winter now so everyone has colds, therefore I can't be around them, if its cold and wet outside I need to stay indoors where its warm so I don't catch anything. 

I really can't wait for this all to be over and for my life to go back to some sort or normality. I know my life will never be "normal" again and there will always be that fear that I am going to relapse but it will be nice to wake up and feel healthy again. 

Results are in....

I had my appointment with my oncologist on Friday 26th April to get my results of my PET scan. Last scan showed a reading of 8/9 for cancerous activity in my neck and this one showed a reading of 2/2.2 so he was really happy with that. He also had to work really hard to feel the lymph nodes in my neck :) 

I spoke to him about my heart rate being 120 when rested and then going up to 180 when i walk around. He is going to order a Gated Blood Pool scan which is a test where they inject a small amount of radiation into you and then measure the amount of blood in the heart during different parts of the heart beat. He wanted a ECG done but i told him i had one done a week ago, so he was going to look at the results from that and then speak to a cardiologist to se if there was anything they could do. My heart has been fast since i first went to the doctor with all the symptoms i had. My doctor didn't seem too concerned as all the ECG's i have had have come back saying that it beats normally just fast. 

What a crazy 3 weeks!

Where do I even start?? So much has happened in the last 3 weeks! 

Easter Sunday 31st March - I had been taking my temperature on and off all day as I always do and it had been hovering around the 37.5 mark, at about 9pm it hit 38! I had a bath and started packing my bags to head off to emergency. We got there at about 10:30pm. I got taken straight through and hooked up on to monitors, my heart rate was 180 so i got taken straight off to resus (they thought i was going to die)! My normal heart rate since being diagnosed is about 120 (most peoples is 60). They did a chest x-ray and started me on iv anti-biotics. I was in resus for about 30 mins until my heart calmed down to its "normal" 120 beats and then i was taken into a room to wait to see the doctor. I waited.. and waited... and waited.. FINALLY at about 7am they came to see me! Sleeping in emergency is pretty much impossible so i think i had about 10 minutes sleep. At around 9am i got taken up to a room where i could finally try and get some sleep. This time i was on C6 and had a lovely single bed room with own shower, toilet and views of the botanic gardens. Other then my temperature this time i had no other symptoms. 

Wednesday 3rd April - I was due for day 1 round 3 of chemo today but as i was still spiking a temperature it was delayed. I had a CT scan today also to check for a throat or sinus infection. This is the results....... about a 50% reduction from the tumours in my neck!!!! They didn't scan my chest and spleen so unsure if they have also shrunk but i would presume so! 

Results from CT scan

Friday 5th April - The doctors gave me the option to go home today and come back monday to have my chemo or have chemo today and stay in until sunday. I chose to have my chemo today and stay until Sunday. I stayed because of how sick day one normally makes me. This time they gave me something different to try for the anti-nausea, it was given by IV 30 minutes before the chemo started. I had my chemo while i was in bed. When it was over I laid there listening to music trying to keep my mind off if i was feeling sick or not.. the vomiting never came! So i am hoping that whatever they gave me works next time! 

Saturday 6th April - I had day 2 of chemo today. I also had one bag of blood as my haemoglobin was low. 

Sunday 7th April - Day 3 and home time :) It was good to go home after 7 nights in hospital! I missed my dogs!

Being home was only short lived.....

Monday 15th April - I had been feeling pretty crap the last day or so and as always was taking my temperature regularly. 11am and it hit 38 :( So i called the hospital to let them know i was coming in, called Sam to come home from work and packed my bags. This time my heart rate was 150, still got taken straight to resus though! Had a chest x-ray and started on IV anti-biotics. Was then taken to a bay in emergency to wait for the doctor. Thankfully this time i didn't have to wait as long. He came and checked me out and said they would admit me and i just had to wait for a bed. This took about 2-3 hours. This time i wasn't so lucky and had to go to B6 which is a ward for Radiotherapy and Palliative Care Patients (pretty much all OLD people that can't look after themselves)! I was taken to bed 3 and had to share a area with 2 other old ladies and a old man. 

I was hooked up to 2 IV pumps until 4am in the morning :( I needed 2 bags of potassium as my levels were too low and also 2 blood transfusions. 

Friday 19th April - Finally got to go home! 

Sunday 21st - I had my second trip in an ambulance. I had been having weird feelings in my chest since thursday. I had mentioned it to the doctors then but they didn't seem concerned. I was worried that i had a blood clot as i have previously had one. Mum and Dad had come down for lunch and they were just about to leave when i decided we should call the ambulance to get me checked out. Mum called them for me. They came and checked me over, my heart rate was high (like normal), but oxygen levels and blood pressure were good. They took an ECG of my heart to make sure it was beating ok and it was. So off to Flinders Emergency i went. They also took me off to resus as my heart rate was high. They took some blood to check for blood clots and to check my heart, these all came back clear. I had a chest x-ray this also came back clear. My oxygen levels and blood pressure were still good, so they had no indications of blood clots. The fact that the pains were on and off and only lasted a few seconds they didn't believe it was anything to worry about, so sent me home. I was there for about 2 hours all up. 

Monday 22nd April - I had a PET scan to check to see if there is still active cancer or not, i will get the results back friday when i see my oncologist! Fingers crossed for good news!!