Feelings...

At age 25 I would have never have thought cancer would be a word I would speak nearly every single day. Until the day I was diagnosed I never knew Hodgkins Lymphoma existed. The last 8 months have been an emotional roller coster to say the least. I have my days where all I do is cry and ask the question "why me?", tell myself "I can't do this anymore", "I don't want to do this anymore" and "I want to give up"! Somedays I feel so alone and it's hard waking up every day wondering how you are going to feel or whether you are going to get a temperature and have to go back to hospital. Not only is my body physically drained from this, I am emotionally drained too. 

I know my life is only temporarily put on hold, but its hard seeing peoples lives going on around you. People going on holidays, out for dinner, to concerts, parties and just having fun. I am limited in what I can do or where I can go. Its winter now so everyone has colds, therefore I can't be around them, if its cold and wet outside I need to stay indoors where its warm so I don't catch anything. 

I really can't wait for this all to be over and for my life to go back to some sort or normality. I know my life will never be "normal" again and there will always be that fear that I am going to relapse but it will be nice to wake up and feel healthy again.