Remembering

I had day 8 of this first round of BEACOPP yesterday (Wednesday 27th) and all seems to be going good. No nausea just really tired. Yesterday I didn't have any of the drugs that i had on day 1 though! I am currently waiting for a nurse to come around and give me my Neulesta needle in my tummy to help boost my white blood cell count. The lump in my neck has gone down a fair bit, I don't want to get my hopes up too much as with the ABVD chemotherapy it would do the same thing and then a few days later get bigger. Lets hope it doesn't!

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Today I was remembering the day the doctor told me they thought I had lymphoma. This is what i remember... He explained to me all about it and then asked if I had any questions.. The only 2 questions I had were.. "Am I going to die?" And "Will I loose my hair?". Nothing else apart from these 2 things mattered to me at that time. He said I would die if I didn't have treatment and that yes I would loose my hair. He asked if i had anymore questions.. I shook my head no. I got up and walked out of the room with my head down. I just wanted to get out of there.. To be told that you have cancer at 25, is the last thing you expect.

It's crazy to think back to that day, it seems like a life time ago, yet has also gone so quickly. Friday 5th March will be the 5 month anniversary of when i got told I had lymphoma. I know that day, a few still held hope that the doctor was wrong, but I had lost all hope, deep down I knew they were right.